You can’t skip chapters.

I’ve just fallen upon this.   THIS.  “You can’t skip chapters, that’s not how life works.”  I feel as though I’ve been skipping chapters in the last 3 or so years.   I’ve totally let myself go and the ultimate result of that is that I’ve not let my stories continue to evolve while everyone else’s stories are  revolving around me.  Part of me wonders if women who struggle so much to have their families because of infertility end up in this place once they’ve been lucky enough to achieve all of their goals.  Thankful doesn’t quite capture the feelings I have about being able to succeed through IVF … twice!   But I sometimes think I hold myself to a higher standard and expect perfection from myself as a mom because I have to pay the universe back for that luck.   And when I feel as though I’m failing at my number 1 job, there’s some sabotage that happens.  

For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like I’m ready to dig deep, work hard and get to the place of “having moments when you don’t want the pages to end.” 

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